<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>You Weren't Part of the Plan by MichaellaN</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231382">You Weren't Part of the Plan</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichaellaN/pseuds/MichaellaN'>MichaellaN</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Allusion to Molly, Caleb will NOT abandon his floaty hot boi, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), M/M, Shadowgast, Welcome to the Mighty Nein, because i ship these dorks to no end, episode 97 minor spoilers, in which Essek is very much guilty but also really needs a hug, long may he reign</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:53:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231382</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichaellaN/pseuds/MichaellaN</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t part of the plan. Not the war. Not the return of the artifact. And most certainly not the Nein. </p>
<p>A look in Essek's head while being interrogated aboard the Balleater.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein &amp; Essek Thelyss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Weren't Part of the Plan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t part of the plan. Not the war. Not the return of the artifact. And most certainly not the Nein. He couldn’t have accounted for them if he tried. If he’d harnessed all the fragments of every possibility at any and every turn, he could never have accounted for them. From the moment their wizard pulled his stolen beacon from that impossibly pink haversack, his plans were through. He’d thought maybe, if he just kept close to them, guided them and gained their trust, he could keep them from discovering the truth. </p>
<p>Keep his enemies close, and his liabilities closer. </p>
<p>But, they had accepted him so easily. Far too easily. Everything they did was just too disarming. Jester, with her far too forward friendliness, and oddly charming rambling messages. Beau, and her awkward, aggressive attempts at being personable. Fjord, and his unrelentingly supportive attempts at coaching her. Yasha, with her ability to go from issuing a blunt threat, to quietly admiring a flower in mere moments. Caduceus, and his simple smile among their chaos while offering tea and food for anyone and everyone who might accept it. Nott, or Veth, now, and her motherly disposition to all of them. And Caleb. </p>
<p>Caleb, who knew more pain, guilt, and regret than a man ten times his age.</p>
<p>Caleb, whose intellect and ambition matched his own.</p>
<p>Caleb, whose eyes sparked excitement when offered a new spell to learn. </p>
<p>Who treated his familiar more like a therapy animal than a fey servant. </p>
<p>Who would talk to himself, quiet and sing-song whenever he was nervous. </p>
<p>Who loved his friends so dearly, he sat for hours on end, deciphering notes he found in an extra-planar device nicknamed ‘The Archmage’s Bane’ written by an ancient madman from the Age of Arcanum, as only a favor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Caleb, whose bright blue eyes betrayed the hurt he felt as he clasped those enchanted manacles around Essek’s wrists. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Caleb, whose voice shook with an unnatural chill, as he threatened him with the sunrise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You weren’t part of the plan,” Was the only feeble excuse he could muster. Seeing them in Nicodranas had been a shock. And he had known it was all over when he saw the tail of his friend’s familiar slipping out the gun port of that gaudy, overly decorated ship. There had been no doubt Caleb had been watching; had been listening. </p>
<p>And now, he sat a prisoner on his friends’ ship, unable to bring himself to look them in the eyes. To look Caleb in the eyes. He explained everything; what he had done, why, and how things had changed when they arrived carrying the beacon he’d used to betray them and his country.</p>
<p>And then, Caleb was there, kneeling in front of him, with a hand guiding his face to force their eyes to meet. “You listen to me.” He began, and Essek prepared for the worst. “I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor.” </p>
<p><em>What? </em>	</p>
<p>“I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. <strong>Was</strong>.” Caleb’s eyes burned into him. He wanted to look away, but the piercing blue refused to let him. “I know what a fool I have been for <em>years</em>, and I am looking at him as if I am looking in a mirror. You didn’t account for us; Good. That is <em>life</em>. Shit hits you sideways in life, and no one is prepared, no one is ready.” Caleb broke his gaze for only a moment, and Essek was reminded of the others in the room. “These people, changed <em>me</em>.” Eyes captured his again, and they were pleading now. Begging him to understand. “These people can change <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p><em>No</em>, he thought, tearing his eyes away. <em>It is much too late to change this</em>. And as if he were reading his mind, Caleb’s voice grew forceful.</p>
<p>“You were not born with venom in your veins! You learned it!” Then, softer again, he insisted, “You <em>learned</em> it.” Essek dared not believe what he was hearing. Caleb was <em>defending</em> him. As if what he’d done could be forgiven.</p>
<p>“You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss.” Caleb continued. “One chance to save yourself. And I am…” A hand on Essek’s shoulder brought his eyes back up to meet his friend’s. “<em>Pleading</em> with you, to find your better self. He is still there.”</p>
<p>By some miracle, Essek found his voice again. “There is… no path to redemption for me.” He said finally. “If… If what has been done comes to light; if what you are seemingly looking to correct is known, then I am a dead man.” <em>And so are you</em>. Essek imagined those eyes blank and glazed over in a Xhorhasian prison, awaiting punishment for being associated with him. Then he imagined that bright, curious light, diminished under the thumb of the Cerberus Assembly as his replacement. He couldn’t decide which was worse, and looked away, trying to drive the image from his mind’s eye.</p>
<p>Then, Essek felt something soft, and warm touch his forehead, and he looked to see Caleb pulling only slightly away from the kiss.</p>
<p>“Maybe you and I are both damned.” He said in a low voice that was overflowing with emotion. “But we can choose to do something, and leave it <em>better</em> than it was before.” </p>
<p>Essek very nearly folded then and there. But the ghost image of Caleb targeted by the likes of Trent and his ilk was still nagging at his brain.</p>
<p>“You weren’t part of the plan.” He argued weakly. “And now you’re all in terrible danger for the things that you know.” He wanted them safe. He wanted them far away from this. Essek almost wished they would hate him. Turn him in for the traitor he was, and be protected by the Dynasty, hailed as their heroes once again. </p>
<p>The response that came was so immediate, it was jarring, for all that it was whispered so quietly, he doubted anyone but him and Caleb even knew it was said.</p>
<p>“<em>So be it.</em>” Any further arguments died in his throat with those three words. Their acceptance was absolute and unrelenting. The Mighty Nein protect their own, so he’ll just have to protect them himself. Then, as if to reinforce his new resolve, Veth draws his attention to her.</p>
<p>“Welcome to the Mighty Nein!”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>